It’s possible to experience more joy, intimacy, and satisfaction in our relationships at home, with our friends, family, and at work.

It all starts with Rule of Engagement #1 from The Heart of the Fight: 

Accentuate the positive!

All it takes is a kind smile, a curious question, or a small word of thanks. 

Pretty simple, right? Simple, maybe, but it’s not easy.

It’s not easy to retrain ourselves to really look for the positive. We are so wired to zoom into the negative–to look for what’s wrong, what doesn’t measure up, what’s bad, what’s missing. 

Blame it on evolution. Our ancestors had to look out for dangers to keep alive. (Those that didn’t look for problems and dangers, didn’t survive to become our ancestors.) Looking for the negatives is part of our survival kit handed down through the ages.

Training ourselves to really look for and acknowledge the positive–in ourselves and others–takes practice. 

How important is this to our relationships? 

Studies show that relationships don’t fail because of negativity and fights. They fail because they don’t have enough positives.

Whether it’s giving a shoutout to a colleague for their smashing work, expressing gratitude for a friend’s thoughtfulness, cheering on your team at work for their efforts, or noticing the little things your family does, like filling up the gas tank or tackling the dishes—every bit counts. 

Show curiosity, share a laugh, offer your time, and sprinkle kindness generously, not just to others but to yourself too. The possibilities are endless.

This week, let’s play “positive detective”. Keep an eye out for goodness in your relationships and interactions–and make sure to shine a light on them. Don’t forget to spot the goodness in yourself, too.

Have fun experimenting with new ways to accentuate the positive and let us know what you discover.

LiveWright and love well.