Ever thought that something that used to seem irrefutably true doesn’t seem that way anymore? You’re not alone.
We’ve been exploring the principle of truth. Enjoy this brief excerpt from a lesson on truth in life stages in our flagship LiveMORE Program.
Toddler Truth
Early in our lives when we are first learning to speak and haven’t been fully socialized, the truth includes a running commentary of our observations and judgments—everything we like and don’t like. Ideally, through this stage, we learn to express truth in socially acceptable ways, rather than to suppress the truth. We learn to distinguish between truths we choose to express and those we choose not to express. There are times when we are still in touch with the truth, but rather than denying it or numbing our awareness of it, we choose not to express it in that situation or at that time.
Teenage Truth
When we begin to separate from (and rebel against) our family as adolescents, we once again begin critiquing the world around us. As we develop and become our own person, we find ourselves acutely aware of the shortcomings of the rest of the world. We often declare ideals and ways-of-being which are reactions against our parents’ values, but are not yet ours. These criticisms are central to our developing increasingly mature truths. Jack Mezirow, the founder of Transformative Learning theory, states that adolescents are often more able to be critically reflective of the assumptions of others than they are of their own assumptions.
Maturing Truth in Adulthood
As we continue to mature and take increasing responsibility for our lives, we learn to become more articulate in expressing truth, learning to give feedback to others and receive feedback from others. Ideally, we learn to do this from a responsible position, recognizing that we choose how we operate in the world and how we respond to our world. We can blame, dump on, punish, seethe with resentment, etc., or we can responsibly and fully express the truth of what the other person did, expressing our feelings about it, reactions to it, and the implications of it.
Truth becomes increasingly complex as our lives become more complex. In ideal development, we mature and become increasingly effective at using our expression of truth for and with a higher purpose. In old age, truth oftentimes has nothing to do with what we express but how we feel compassion, express caring, and provide support for those around us. We tend to feel less of a need to correct the errors around us and become increasingly focused on the larger developmental process in which those around us are engaged.
Nourishment Transforms Our Truth
Most of us have had significant interruptions in our development. If we didn’t receive the nourishment we needed or desired, we may hold back the truth of what we think and feel, hoping that if we are ‘nice’ or withhold our truth, someday someone will love us. We sometimes fail to follow our deeper truths. These are the types of developmental issues you can continue to examine and address through your life. We believe that, as adults, we can go back and fulfill our unmet developmental needs and become even more potent people in every area of life.
I (Elizabeth) have been working on comforting, soothing, and assuring my inner little girl that she matters—especially when my own daughter is very fussy and expressing her upset. Hopefully, being kinder to myself will help me to be more spacious and compassionate for her—and everyone else around me too!
Try this tip to up-level your relationship to truth:
Catch and Redirect Your Mistaken Beliefs/Stinking Thinking. Stinking thinking and mistaken beliefs are not true. Be aware of thoughts that sound true to you, but are not the full truth. Watch for mistaken beliefs and stinking thinking that limit you in expressing truth. Then name a more generative thought or belief to live toward instead.
LiveWright and Live Truthfully,
Dr. Bob & Dr. Judith