The Recurring Conflict Pattern
You're in.
Below, you’ll find your video training, workbook, and the best next step to help you use this in real life.
Step 1
Watch The Training
Start here with the full training video. This will help you understand the pattern, see how it shows up, and begin shifting it in a more practical way.
Step 2
Download the Workbook
Download the workbook below and use it as you go through the training. It will help you slow the pattern down, think more clearly about what keeps happening, and make one small shift this week.
How to Use This This Week
One moment. One shift.
After you watch the video, do not try to fix every relationship at once. Just focus on one moment this week when something goes wrong, you feel pressure, or you get feedback and notice yourself getting stuck.
Your goal is simple:
- 1. Notice your default reaction
- 2. Name what is happening inside you
- 3. Take responsibility for your part
- 4. Make one small shift
Use the worksheet in this workbook to help you slow the reaction down and choose a more productive response.
See It in Action
Real-life Examples
Real-Life Example 1
Situation
I got feedback on something I turned in, and my first reaction was to think, “They do not understand how much I had to juggle.”
Pattern
Justification: “Anyone in my position would have done the same thing.”
Blame: “They are making this a bigger deal than it is.”
Result: I spend my energy defending myself instead of learning anything.
How to work through it
1. Catch the reaction: “I am starting to justify instead of listen.”
2. Name what is underneath it: “I feel defensive and embarrassed.”
3. Take responsibility for my part: “Even if I had reasons, I still need to look at what did not work.”
4. Make one small shift: ask what needs to be corrected, what I can learn, and what I will do differently next time.
Real-Life Example 2
Situation
I made a mistake and have been beating myself up ever since.
Pattern
Shame: “I should have known better.”
“I am so stupid.”
“I always mess things up.”
Result: I stay stuck in self-beat-up instead of actually addressing the problem.
How to work through it
1. Catch the spiral before it becomes a full shame loop.
2. Name what is underneath it: “I feel ashamed and afraid of being judged.”
3. Take responsibility for my part without attacking myself.
4. Make one small shift: fix what can be fixed, say what I learned, and decide what I will do differently next time.
FAQ
What if I can see the other person’s role, but not mine?
Start with your own reaction. Ask yourself whether you are feeling helpless, blaming, or overhelping. That will usually show you where you are in the pattern.
What if I move between more than one role?
That is normal. People often shift between victim, persecutor, and rescuer in the same conflict. The goal is not to be perfect. The goal is to catch the pattern faster.
What if the other person really is difficult?
They may be. But your power is in seeing your part, changing your response, and making a different choice instead of repeating the same cycle.
Your Next Step
Ready to go deeper?
Once you’ve gone through the training and workbook, the best next step is to apply it to your own situation with support.
Book a 30-minute coaching call to work through your situation and get help applying what you just learned.
Keep this page bookmarked so you can come back to the training and workbook anytime.
