Can you relate to this?
“…I always assumed that I had to be strategic, judicious, discreet, and selective about the truth I tell. But to my surprise, I found that not telling the truth is the source of most problems.”
– Will Schutz, The Truth Option
How often do you withhold something, shade the truth with a white lie, cover-up, or mislead someone to protect yourself—or them? The ‘truth’ is that we all withhold, lie, fudge the truth, cover up, exaggerate….at times, some more than others. We tend to have a mixed relationship with truth, which can lead us to think that lying and withholding is safer than telling the truth.
Truth is the fourth transformational principle of the Wright Developmental Model.
Our relationship to truth changes throughout our lifetime. Children start lying when they are about three years old, and their capacity only increases from there. Truth becomes more complex as we grow and develop into more complex beings. Here are some ways to think of truth.
Types and Levels of Truth
There are many different levels and types of truth:
- Conceptual truth is being honest about what you are thinking—the ideas or thoughts going through your mind. However, while it may be true that you are thinking particular thoughts, those thoughts aren’t necessarily true. They could be stinking thinking, inaccurate judgments, or irresponsible blaming.
- Emotional truth discloses and communicates your true feelings.
- Factual truth expresses what did or didn’t happen, actual data, and/or accurate information.
Matching your emotional truth with your factual truth results in more powerful and congruent communication. To say, I am angry, with a flat delivery and expressionless face is missing the power of the emotional truth—even if it is factually true that you really are feeling angry. Expressing your factual truth with emotional honesty leads to more effective, powerful, heartfelt communication.
Our Highest Level of Truth in the Moment
The truth we want to cultivate is the highest level of truth available to us in the moment. This changes from the terrible two’s (“No!”), to adolescence (“They are so stupid!”), to new levels at each stage of our development.
Our developing capacity for truth emotionally, factually, and relationally is not a simple, short-term venture. Make a habit of increasingly recognizing and expressing the truth of your experience in the world around you, which ultimately increases love, our true north compass guiding us into our potential.
For now, consider this: truth is love, and we have a lot of learning to do to be the most loving people we can be. And we will never be as fully loving as we would like to be without continuously working to express the truth of our experience to our highest vision.
I (Elizabeth) realized that I hadn’t told the full truth about something important to a friend—and it bothered me enough to wake me up in the middle of the night. I reopened the conversation the next day and shared a deeper emotional truth and a yearning I had not shared previously. He shared that he really got me and aligned with me, which is much more satisfying.
Tips for Truth-Telling
- Notice where you withhold truth: Notice the things you hold back from saying throughout a day, and when, and to whom. Notice what you are feeling or thinking at the time. Discover what is really going on with you!
- Daily Truth Quota: At least once a day, share a truth you would normally withhold. Watch what happens inside you, and in your relationships with others. Bonus points if you do this once an hour!
- Experiment with Levels and Depths of Truth: Experiment with different levels of truth, aiming for responsible, heartfelt communication.
LiveWright and Live Truthfully,
Dr. Bob & Dr. Judith
